I have had a problem resting. This isn’t something that is entirely new. I have such a hustler’s mindset that it’s really hard to slow it down at times. I have been putting more effort into my business than ever and I have also been trying to do a lot more blogging as well as getting some other things under wraps. I am so excited for all of these things and I do not mind having this sort of proactive mindset. Here lately though, I have been begging for a slow down for a vacation and to just be present in my life. Even when I get time to rest I feel like I end up spending the whole time planning on what rest feels like. I’ll sit down with my coffee or my warm tea and I read a book and I spend about an hour reading the book before my mind just starts wandering about the next thing that I have to do and reminding myself not to forget stuff that I plan to do later on. 

I feel as though the reason why I do things like this is because I feel better when I am achieving something. Doing something good makes me feel good, makes me feel rewarded. One of my love languages is words of affirmation because I was raised that way. If you make good grades or complete all of your chores, it is a good thing. I have now brought that into my real life. I believe that it is because of that, that I feel like I have to stay busy all the time. I have to work in order to achieve because if I’m not achieving something I’m not doing anything. On my days off I plan to sleep in a little longer and I plan on just being so restful. But what I feel like happens is I don’t actually feel rested at all because I’m stuck anticipating what rest actually feels like. On top of that the times that I do set aside to just rest. I find myself constantly reminding myself of the things I need to do when I’m not resting. I feel my head up with don’t forgets. Don’t forget to call and make that appointment. Don’t forget to run that errand, Don’t forget to call mom back. And when I do that I find myself cultivating my own anxiety. I end up having to talk myself backwards from being anxious and trying to show up better and I’m just like.. What.. Is.. Wrong.. With.. You and I honestly couldn’t even answer that question.

As much as I want to tell you that I found the answer to this problem, I can’t. I am here to tell you though that if this is something you are experiencing too then you are not alone. I am working through it too.  If you fid yourself telling yourself things like.. “I should not be resting because..” or “I should not be resting because I have so much to do..” Don’t. I know I find myself making myself busy because I have associated busy with achieving and achieving with worthy. Then one day I caught myself backtracking and I thought of the word worthy and I hope you guys don’t think I’m crazy for talking to myself but I was thinking of the word. Worthy and who I was trying to be worthy for. When I think of the word worthy I imagine trying to impress someone and who am I trying to impress? Who am I impressing by being an anxious basket-case that can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t do anything correct because I’m busy thinking about what I think I should be busy thinking about. No one is impressed with that. In the end, you can do all of these things and achieve all of these things but are you actually happy?

You can work your life away to rest or you can rest while you have your life.

I have to remind myself this on a daily basis. I have to manifest it into the universe that this is going to happen. We sometimes get faced with curve balls, maybe it’s the universe testing us. “Oh you said you wanted to work out 5 days this week? What if it rains everyday this week?” There are times where I feel like the universe plays a huge role in the choices we make. I feel like it sometimes challenges us to make sure we really want what we’re asking for. When the universe does that I’m like bring. it. on. Because why not? Why not make the conscious effort everyday to strive for what we want to achieve? Why not rest? What is the worst thing that could happen? Because we already know what happens when we don’t. When we give in. We know what it feels like to stop doing the work out and to stop eating clean, to stop resting. You know what bad feelings feel like and whenever you tell yourself.

You have to remember that you said yes for a reason. You made the choice to make this difference in your life and set these goals to achieve. You told yourself you wanted to do this for a reason.. Why? You have to remember your why when these obstacles come to se if you mean it.

with love,

c.p