the nightmares tortured her. she drove herself awake. heart racing, palms and everything sweating. she snatched his arm but he didn’t even flinch. fear tingled up to her nose and her eyes grew wet as she stares at the man she loved. she took a deep breath and laid back down. she turned to look at him again. sleeping peacefully. it was only a matter of time until he left her again but she didn’t care. she wanted this so bad. bad enough that she allowed herself to feel anxiety and stress. every. day. just waiting. anticipating the day. the day that she’ll be too much. the day that she becomes an option and not a priority anymore. a month? a week? when. the day that he’ll spend less time with her and more time somewhere else. avoiding her. avoiding telling her how he really felt. avoid breaking her again.

________

smoke filled his lungs. he flicked the ashes into the floor. his phone started playing her ringtone. nausea filled his system. his mouth began to water. you gonna answer that? she’s crazy. her name popped up above text message and three missed calls. her face popped up on the screen. she’s beautiful. he ashed the cigarette. hello. she’s mad. he remembers all the excuses he came up with before. he just didn’t want to see her. how do you tell someone who loves you so much that you don’t want to see them? he didn’t want to be around her. remorse raised into his chest. he was up to something. how does she know? she never liked smoking. she never liked anything that shortened his life. if she only really knew. i’ll see you soon, okay? he hated her. he hated how she made him feel. he knew he was in the wrong but he couldn’t let her be right.