Do you ever just love someone so much that they’re all you ever think about?

Do you ever just love someone so much that they’re all you ever think about? Ahh, the joy. If you follow up on my posts you’ll see that I’m newly engaged and that thought is honestly so mind blowing to me. Being married is something that I’ve always wanted and although I’ve pictured spending the rest of my life with this man for a while, I never thought he would actually ask. I love my man more than anything else in this world, besides my daughter of course. (Don’t worry he knows he’ll always be second.) I knew he was the one when I spent my days just thinking of him and reminiscing on the times we spent together and feeling all bubbly for the next time I get to see him. My mother told me he was the one when she noticed that I couldn’t stop smiling when I had been with him and how I lit up when I saw that he was calling. My friend knew he was the one when he was literally all I ever talked about.

His smile. His humor. His maturity. His kindness; are all things that I fell in love with but when we had our first little rough patch I knew he was the one because he stayed. He made me feel like I was worth fighting for. My past relationships had changed the way that I loved and cared for someone else which is depressing because I told myself that I would never allow myself to get to that point. I told myself that I would never allow what someone else did to me effect the way that I loved someone else. I was so scared when I met him because I was falling for him and I was falling fast and I had never felt this way about another human. He made me fall in love when falling in love was my last intention. I had never clicked with someone the way that I did with him and it scared me. It scared me to think that I found the one. It scared me to think that I could mess it up.

img_4520It felt like that once in a lifetime feeling you get. It felt like ecstasy, no not the drug. Well maybe the drug but I wouldn’t know what that felt like. It felt like the ecstasy that is defined as “the overwhelming feeling of great excitement or joyful excitement”. It came hard and it came fast but the most important part of it all was that it lasted. It’s been almost two years and the “honeymoon phase” hasn’t ended. I still look at him like he’s the one. I still believe that God knew what he was doing when he brought him in my life. Looking back, he did it rather subliminally. He was throwing hints left and right.

A month or two before we went on our first date I went outside with my daughter, he was out there talking to my brother and fixing his four-wheeler. Then a few weeks later he went in for an interview where my parents and brother work. My mother did the interview and she came home that same day asking about him. She always tried to play matchmaker.  She was asking if I knew if he has a girlfriend or anything about him. I come from a small town so you always hear stories about people growing up but I haven’t really heard anything about him since he was in high-school which at this point was two or three years ago for him. Then he messaged me and I was so surprised, I almost didn’t respond, but I did and he asked me to the movies. I honestly couldn’t remember if I had ever been on a real date with someone. A date where he comes and picks you up and pays for everything. Not saying that I couldn’t pay for myself because I definitely brought money but he offered and took charge. I was so used to going dutch or whatever it’s called that I wasn’t sure if he was going to pay or not. It was fine if he didn’t but it was really nice that he did.img_4521

I remember it like it was yesterday, It was a warm summer night and of course I was overthinking everything down to what shoes to wear. Obviously it was casual, it was just the movies, right? Right?? I ended up going with these cute, comfy green shorts, a fitted tee with a cute little cactus on it and some short brown booties. Luckily, I didn’t go with anything fancier because he was dressed pretty casual too. I was so nervous for absolutely no reason, my hands were sweating so bad. Do people hold hands on the first date?? When I get nervous I talk a lot too so I had to keep the conversation limited. It was the movie Neighbors 2 and if anyone knows me that know that my laugh is horrendous. So I had to make sure I kept it at a giggle. Long story short, I had nothing to worry about. He didn’t try to make a move He was really good at keeping the conversation going so I didn’t feel like I talked to much. There was one point though that I felt like I talked a lot and it was when we got back to his house and the sky was the clearest it’s ever been and i got carried away talking about outer space and the fact that you were supposed to see jupiter that night. He fought me on it but I know my planets, okay? He said that I really didn’t talk that much.

Who would have known that a few months later we would be in the Dominos parking lot at the beach at 2 am he would look over at me and say “I don’t think we should talk anymore.” By talking he means dating or whatever people call it before you’re officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I know the term can be confusing to some people but that’s what we call it where I’m from. In that moment though, my heart sank. I thought for some reason he meant he wanted to end whatever we had but he then followed it by saying “I think we should be in a relationship. We might as well.”  So I lightened up some but then I was confused because he didn’t properly ask me out, well he did but he wasn’t just straight up about it. So I called my friend while he went in to get the pizza, I was a little teary-eyed because I was confused and nervous. He comes back and my heart starts racing and my friend was like “Put him on the phone.” He just laughed at whatever she said and he looked at me and said “Caysey, will you be my girlfriend?” and obviously I lit up like a little christmas tree and said yes!

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Then almost two years later we’re back on a beach and he gets down on one knee to ask me to be his wife and I’m cryinnnngg at the thought that I have actually found the one. I knew he was the one but now I know that he knows that I’M the one and that’s even bigger than knowing that he’s the one.

I am so full of excitement and gratitude. Who knew that my whole life would lead up to this point in my life right now.

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