a whole hand.

So much can happen in a whole hand of years. You can open your eyes for the first time. You can learn to talk and to walk. You can learn to run. You can learn trust. You can learn love. You can even learn hate. You find out a lot about yourself and the world around you. Your eyes can change from blank to the most beautiful shade of blue. You can learn the meaning of so many words.

You can also finish up your least years of high school. You can get capped. You can graduate. You can play your last high school soccer game. You can run your last race. You can lose friends but you can also make so many more. You can start college and graduate from your first degree. You can start another degree and begin your first real career. You can find the love of your life and realize that there is someone out there who is willing to put your daughter first as well. You can get engaged and start planning a wedding.

You can have a baby and raise her into a little girl. You can become that little girls first friend and first line of real trust. A little girl who is going to start school for the first time. A little girl who has danced in her first recital. A little girl who has danced in two recitals. A little girl who has played her first soccer game. You can buy her, her first dog and introduce her to all the amazing things of the world has to offer and try to shelter her from the ones that aren’t so amazing.

i can’t believe it’s been five whole years since i gave birth to the sweetest, smartest, most wonderful little girl i could ever ask for. anyone who hears me talk about her knows that i literally find myself in tears when i talk or even think about how much love i have for this little human. being a mother is such an inexplicable feeling and i get so full of emotions thinking about how much she’s grown. I remember when all she would do was sleep and all i wanted was to hear what her little voice sounded like. i wondered how fast she was going to be and what kind of personality she would have and of course she exceeded far more than i could imagine. she’s constantly talking and she never walks anywhere and she uses words like “rubbish” and “unimaginable” and my god she has the sweetest little heart of literal gold. she’s sensitive and sassy and all around perfect. i couldn’t ask for a better little side kick, who always reminds me that “it’s going to be okay mommy” as i’m growing into the adult that i want and need to be for her. happy birthday Colbi Gray. 💕

 

You can discover the definition of unconditional love. An inseparable kind of love. The kind of love that brings tears to your eyes because you’re just full of that much love.

I cannot put into real words how much these last five years has altered my life. Motherhood is such a rewarding and indescribable feeling. Having someone who depends so much on you and will for the rest of your life is such a powerful place to be in. Such a scary and humbling place to be in. I’m so speechless in the fact that I can’t even type as much as I feel like I should say.

Happy fifth birthday Colbi. It’s crazy to think you’re a whole hand.

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