Unequally Yoked

The first time I heard the term unequally yoked I immediately thought of eggs. I was like “what do eggs have to do with my relationship?”. After further research and understanding I realized that it’s actually an old agricultural term. The yoke that’s referred is actually an old farming tool that they used back when they used oxen for farming. The yoke is what keeps the two oxen pulling the till together. When tilling land, you want the oxen to be of equal strength, temperament, and work ethic otherwise the till will be uneven or crooked. Likewise, you want your relationship with your partner to be equally yoked. You want someone with the same morals, the same goals and the same drive as you.

This doesn’t mean you have to be the same person. As a matter of fact, sometimes our differences are where our strengths lie. For example, one of you may be naturally handy while the other is good at cleaning; though both of you should do the work it’s good to embrace each other’s strengths. It’s almost like being two sides of the same circle, you want to be able to complete one another. It’s important not to let your differences cause distance in the relationship, instead you should look at your partners strengths in admiration and appreciation. This even goes for hobbies and interests, it’s important to have the desire to do similar things but it’s also good to have things about us that allow us to be ourselves, individually.

But to be equally yoked goes far deeper than just interests and hobbies and housework duties. It’s more about how you two are on a spiritual, moral, life goal level. I say spiritually because the term unequally yoked actually comes from the bible. In the bible, it was referencing believers marrying nonbelievers and how that can lead to compromised faith and life troubles. When going through pre-marriage counseling you will see a lot of discussion around the big three: money, sex and religion. The three alignments can give a good idea on where you stand as a couple.

Bible Verses on Being Unequally Yoked

Even more so, before you get to the point of marriage and pre martial counseling you would want to make sure you two align spiritually, morally and on a life goal level. Having conversations about your future is common in relationships and it’s important to know where you stand. Even if you’ve been with someone a long time it’s important to keep those conversations on the forefront. What the next steps are, aspirations, goals, kids, marriage, some of these things you or they may not be set on but it’s important to be open to discussions if and when things change.

I was with someone for most of my 20s who decided he didn’t want to get married (even though we were engaged) and didn’t want to have kids (even though I already had one) and those are two things that I want in this life. I want to be a wife and I want more kids with my husband. My experience with my first child was so different and I feel like I didn’t get the chance to experience pregnancy and be with someone who really loves me and my baby more than anything. And I want that person to also be my husband because to me, marriage is sacred and its more than just a piece of paper or being legally bounded to someone, it’s spiritual and enriching. I feel like I almost compromised to the thought of it not being as important, either by the person I was with or society as a whole. It didn’t feel as if it was valued as much as it once was.

Now I know to stand firm in my wants and my desires in life. Because even though I almost compromised, the relationship ended anyway. Because while I was planning a wedding, he was planning on leaving. As sad and as traumatic as it was, it was a lesson to be shared in that. In relationships, there is going to be compromise, in where you eat or what you do or what you want but you should never compromise who you are and your long-term happiness. Don’t allow someone to prevent you from what you truly want out of life. If your person doesn’t align with what you want out of life, it’s okay to let go and move forward. The journey may be lonely at times but eventually there will come someone in life that will be your equal part. Who will want the same things as you and love you unconditionally in the midst of it. I have to believe that for myself and I believe that for you too.

Don’t let your boyfriend stop you from meeting your husband and don’t let who you are with compromise who you are.

with love,

c.p

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