Day Seven of Blogggggmas!

Good Days and Bad Days.

     I trust that most everyone has good days and bad days, hopefully I’m not the only one who feels as though I suffer from this. Yes I know, suffer is as tong word but some days it is almost unbearable. I will mentally have a list of things I need to do that day or even week… Laundry, washing dishes, planning meals, planning meetings, replying to emails, have a social life, plan a wedding for crying out loud but I don’t always have the motivation to do it. I physically feel tired and feel like I’m running on empty and mentally I know what I need to be doing but I just end up laying on the couch mindlessly pretty much doing nothing. Why am I like this? On the contrast, I have days where I’m so over-motivated and my thoughts are all organized. I’m able to forward think and plan for things. My meetings and shoots are all planned, I’m able to get every ones appts handled from doctor to dental to even hair. I can get Colbi’s clothes laid out for school the next day, I can make sure she has all of her dance stuff pack, her lunch is packed and I was even able to prepare her an after-school snack, I feel like the best mom.. Yes I said I feel like the best mom because the days where I feel like I’m lacking, the days where I forget to pack her after school snack or I forget to sign up to volunteer on my day off i feel like an awful parent, a bare-minimum parent… The days were I don’t have the motivation to straighten up the house or I push folding the laundry until the next day I feel like an awful house-wife, caretaker.. Why is that? Why does my bad day have to be matched with guilt? Why can’t I have a day of doing nothing or bare-minimum make me feel guilty? I’m listening to my body.. My body cannot handle being in overdrive all the time, sometimes it has to be set on cruise control and I have to be okay wit that. My daughter doesn’t think any less of me because of it, she still thinks I’m a great mom and my fiance still thinks I’m going to be a great future wife. No one even notices really.

     When those bad days turn into a bad week or even weeks I will get concerned and my man does too but I feel like I cannot always control it. I try to mentally fight is and push through it. I try to go to the gym still once I drop my daughter off at school but somedays I don’t even make it there, I had an event where I drove to the gym and just cried in the parking lot because I was soooo tired and realized I just wanted to be home and I had made a couple of appointments that morning and the girl made me feel sooo stupid like I didn’t know what I was talking about when it came to insurance- which I don’t but still don’t make me feel like it?? Anywho, I was just over-sensitive that day I guess. So I took time away from social media and tried to do things to realign my life and get away from any destractions and yes, that meant my blog.. But I’m back now! Ready to complain to the world again.. No but seriously, I’m glad to be back and to start writing again. Hopefully you guys accept me with open arms! 

Thank you for sticking through this back again post

with love,

c.p